Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
