From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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