Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
