garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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