For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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