I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
