There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
