she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
