I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he thought i was a dude.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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