wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
