idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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