He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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