Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
