The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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