Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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