Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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