i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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