he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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