Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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