adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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