I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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