some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
