I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
