She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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