What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
