It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
