There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
