we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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