apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
