I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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