why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just high enough for therapy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
