Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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