I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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