Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
