he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
