Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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