Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
