I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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