Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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