There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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