i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
