I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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