Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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