He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
