he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
