Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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