He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
