He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
