ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
