8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
