The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
