Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
