he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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