No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
