I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
