New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
