She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He better not be in your backpack
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
