That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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