Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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