There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
