when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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