I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
