yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
