I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
