Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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