Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
