dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
