I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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