Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
