i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
