Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We just shotgunned beers for America
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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