I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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