theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
