Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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