My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
