Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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