Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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