May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
