He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
