Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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