YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
BRING THE BAGELS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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