I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
