You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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