I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
