just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
