I think im going to throw up on grandma
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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